A Snippet of Madness
by Nixa
Summary: A self-insert by Lichan and Nixa; Ranma/Gundam Wing insanity


A Snippet of Madness  
Starring and Controlled mostly by Nixa and Lichan  
  
(Two authors and avid fans of anime appear in the Void.)  
  
Nixa: Hmm... we need a setting. How about this?  
  
(The unstable teenager waves her hand in a dramatic fashion and the Tendo Dojo appears around them, complete with bricks waiting to be broken.)  
  
Lichan: No, no, no! This would be much better.  
  
(The self-admitted twisted author snaps her fingers together and in place of the Tendo Dojo, one of the hangars used by the gundam pilots appears, occupied by the well-loved mobile suits.)  
  
Nixa: What the- hey! You can't just change my setting! The Tendo Dojo is the beginning for lots of good Ranma stories! Making it cliché, which come to think of it, is probably a bad thing...  
  
Lichan: Why would I want to do a Ranma fic? I want to do a Gundam Wing story!  
  
Nixa: Gundam Wing! How do you even stay awake for that series, let alone write a fanfic about them? Ryou- er, I mean the Ranma cast is much more interesting.  
  
Lichan: What do you mean? Who could possibly fall asleep while watching poor Duo-chan's gundam get blowed up right in front of his eyes by one of his allies.  
  
Nixa: Blowed up... You said that just to tick me off, didn't you? Well, if we're using your setting, I say I get to pick what happens next!  
  
(Two well-known characters fall from a portal that suddenly opened in midair. Duo and Ryouga land on the floor next to the Deathscythe Hell, completely nude.)  
  
Duo: Itai!Ryouga: Where the hell am I now?  
  
Lichan: (stands there, stupefied)  
  
Nixa: Hi guys! Since I can't have a Ranma alternaverse fic, I decided to make this a lemon! (smirks)  
  
Lichan: You hentai little freak! (runs over to Duo and Ryouga who have thankfully regained their trademark clothing) Don't worry Duo-chan! I wouldn't let her do a horrible thing like that to you. (tries to believe herself)  
  
Nixa: well, if you won't let me do it...  
  
(Ranma and Heero drop out of the portal. Duo catches Heero, while Ryouga watches Ranma fall to the floor.)  
  
Nixa: You like yaoi fics, don't you Lichan?  
  
All guys involved: (huge sweat drop)  
  
Lichan: Yes, but um- while I don't mind Duo + Heero storys, and rather enjoy them at times, that is only because all of the Gundam Wing girls scare me. Come on, have you ever seen this? (a television screen appears in the air, showing a scene from Gundam Wing. Relena pulled up to a school in her bright pink limousine. "Heero, I'm glad I found you again!" Duo made a few quick excuses for Heero, who was in shock. The stalker girl had found him again! It didn't matter how many time he changed countries, she always showed up!)  
  
Nixa: (shudders) Okay, I see your point. And Ranma/Ryouga couplings are controversial enough as it is. Anyway, I'd much rather torture them all by flaunting our limitless power.  
  
Ranma: What the heck is goin' on here? Who are you chicks?  
  
Heero: Why is my gundam here?  
  
Ryouga: (still in shock over the idea of a coupling between him and- and RANMA, of all people)  
  
Duo: (eats popcorn while leaning against Heero's gundam)  
  
Nixa:(sees Duo's popcorn) Hey, where did you get that?  
  
Duo: I can't tell you. It's a trade secret, like where Heero keep his gun.  
  
Heero: Don't make me kill you. Get off my gundam.  
  
Lichan: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Okay, this is getting boring. Something interesting needs to happen now.  
  
(A ghostly voice echoes through the hangar.)  
  
Mysterious Voice: Heeeroooooooo!  
  
(The portal, which had shrunken to a doorknob sized hole, stretches as fingers begin to pry it open)  
  
Nixa: (gives Lichan an odd look) I thought you didn't like her.  
  
(The portal widens, and an overdressed teenaged aristocrat drops through it.)  
  
Lichan: (looks at her co-author in fear) you mean, you didn't bring her here?  
  
Relena: Heeroooooooo-oof! Ow... Heero, I've found you!  
  
Heero: (shivers and pulls his gun out from- wherever) Omae o korosu. Omae o korosu! OMAE O KOROSU!!! (He fires his gun several times. Unfortunately, there were no bullets in the gun, as Nixa had removed them for the authors' safety.) DAMN IT! Why can't I ever kill you?  
  
Relena: It's because deep down inside, you really care for me, Heero. You aren't the perfect soldier everyone thinks you are! I know it!  
  
Lichan: I'm going to be sick. Please- somebody, anybody, get rid of her! Kill her, whatever- I don't care- just GET HER OUT OF HERE!!!  
  
Ranma: Sorry, lady. I don't do girls.  
  
Ryouga: (goes into convulsions)  
  
Relena: Well, if you really wanted us to leave... come on, Heero. (begins dragging Heero toward the portal)  
  
(Heero pleads for help with his eyes as the rest of the group stands frozen in place. Relena throws Heero over her shoulder and performs a superhuman jump straight through the portal. The portal snaps shut as she leaves, almost cutting off her foot)  
  
Ranma: (looking up towards the now nonexistent portal) You know, pink really doesn't go with that skirt.  
  
Nixa: What pink? She wasn't wearing pink.  
  
Ranma: Never mind.  
  
Ryouga: (now on more familiar ground) Ranma you cad! How dare you be so unfaithful to Akane! Die!  
  
(Ryouga attacks Ranma, and Ranma dodges skillfully aside with a cocky grin)  
  
Duo: They really like to get physical, don't they?  
  
(Ryouga freezes in midair, falling to the ground with a crash)  
  
Nixa: Ouch. Hmm... we need more people here. It's getting lonely without Heero here to threaten us. Lichan, you wanna do the honors?  
  
Lichan: (gets an evil grin on her face and rubs her hands together gleefully)  
  
(The portal opens yet again, and Ukyo, Shampoo, Akane, and Wufei fall out.)  
  
Ukyo: Ranchan! Shampoo: Airen!  
  
(both girls glomp onto Ranma)  
  
Ranma: urk! (waits for the inevitable malleting)  
  
(Akane has gotten tangled up with Wufei during the fall and is struggling to stand up.)  
  
Wufei: Get off of me, you stupid weak onna!  
  
Akane: (glows blue) Excuse me?  
  
Duo: (winces) Wufei, d'ya just naturally insult everyone you meet, or do you have to work at it?  
  
Wufei: (Doesn't notice Akane's battle aura and stands up) Clumsy onna. Stop bringing down those who are stronger than you.  
  
Akane: Why you- DIE, YOU JERK!!! (mallets him into the ground)  
  
Wufei: (in pain) I-injustice...  
  
Ranma: (turning blue) Can't... breathe... need... (he loses consciousness)  
  
Ukyo: What was that, Ranchan? You need to marry your cute fiancée? Sure thing, honey!  
  
Shampoo: Stupid! Airen love only Shampoo! Go away before Shampoo kill you.  
  
Nixa: Why do you talk like that? You've been living in Japan for almost two years. Shouldn't you speak Japanese at least a little better than you did when you first came?  
  
Shampoo: (shrugs) Is what men like. Pretty girl, all body and no brains. No did work, but had to keep up act so Ranma no notice change. Is habit now.  
  
Lichan: Well you should go try it on a different man, I think. You and the chef over there seem to have killed your original target.  
  
(Everyone notices Ranma has stopped breathing.)  
  
Akane: Ranma! (mallets the girls out of the way, then uses her mallet to pound on Ranma's chest)  
  
Nixa: Okay, you are waaay too violent there, girl. (slowly) Put down... the mallet.  
  
(Duo is now sitting on Heero's gundam with Ryouga sharing his supply of popcorn)  
  
Duo: You know, this is the best show I've seen in weeks. How 'bout you?  
  
Ryouga: I don't know... that anarchist demonstration in Long Beach the other day was pretty interesting.  
  
Duo: I thought you lived in Japan.  
  
Ryouga: Shut up. Just shut up.  
  
Nixa: (suddenly next to the two on Heero's gundam)  
  
Ryouga: Er- shouldn't you be checking on Ranma?  
  
Nixa: Why would I bother with that jerk? You're so much cuter! ^_^ (glomps Ryouga happily)  
  
Duo: Hah, hah! (pulls out a piece of licorice from- well- he pulls out a piece of licorice and starts eating it, okay?)  
  
Ryouga: What the-? Get off of me! (struggles desperately to pry off the oblivious girl)  
  
Ranma: (begins breathing again, no thanks to Akane's less-than-professional first aid)  
  
Wufei: (is a smear on the floor)  
  
Lichan: Hmm... something's wrong. Hey Nixa, have we ever had this much free time without someone pestering us?  
  
(Two masked terrorists enter the hangar, shooting water pistols at everything. Mysteriously, the water seems to melt everything it touches)  
  
Lichan: Dang it! Get that water away from my computer, you brats!  
  
(The terrorists remove their masks, revealing the hideous faces of- the authors' little brothers!!!)  
  
Everyone besides the brothers and Wufei: Put the masks back on! Put the masks back on!!!  
  
Jack (Nixa's brother): I'm sick of Ranma 1/2!  
  
Corey (Lichan's brother): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'll kill all of you! (sees Shampoo) Oooh! She's cute!  
  
(The two terrors proceed to melt all the anime characters, leaving their omniscient sisters a little annoyed.)  
  
Nixa: (watches Ryouga melt away into a little pile of goo) DAMN IT, JACK! I HAD HIM!!!  
  
Lichan: (sees Corey melt off Duo's braid) NO! NO ONE MELTS DUO'S BRAID AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!  
  
(Lichan begins to attack their brothers with silly string, while Nixa hurls book after book at them.)  
  
Nixa: See if you can take Owl's Flight! And The Last of the Renshai! And The Mammoth Hunters! HYAA!  
  
(A new figure enters the realm.)  
  
Intimidating Figure: Keep it down in here! Boys, stop bugging your sisters. Girls, start helping out in the backyard.  
  
Lichan: Mom, we aren't finished yet! Just a few more minutes!  
  
Intimidating Figure: You have to do the dishes, too, so get going!  
  
Nixa: D'oh! Parental crackdown. Oh, well. (turns to the readers) Later, guys!  
  
(The authors, brothers, and parent exit, and the room returns to Void.)  
  
Duo: Hey, where is everybody?  
  
(A new author enters the vacant Void, and cracks her knuckles)  
  
Other Author: Now, let's get started on that Sailor Moon story!  
  
Duo: ...  
  
(suddenly, Duo is swarmed by irritating schoolgirls with idiotic dubbed voices, shouting out things like "Pink Sugar Heart Attack!" and making laces and heart thingies float in the air)  
  
Duo: (turns green) No! You can't leave me here like this! I've got rights you know! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Authors' Notes:  
Nixa: Okay, this was our first attempt at a self-insertion fic, since we were bored and had nothing better to do last weekend.  
  
Lichan: Well... actually I could have been doing my English project, but I decided to wait until today to do it. It's due in first period tomorrow! ^_^  
  
Duo: Sailor Moon? Why did it have to be Sailor Moon, huh? Of all things... (shakes his head in disgust)  
  
Lichan: You should have seen what Nixa wanted to do to you originally. Besides, that author reserved the Void ahead of time. You should have gotten out of there earlier.  
  
(Ryouga walks up to Nixa silently, handing her some paperwork. Nixa takes the papers, looking confused.)  
  
Nixa: Ryo-chan? Wha-? A LAWSUIT!!!  
  
Ryouga: (shrugs)  
  
Nixa: I did NOT sexually harass you! It was part of the story, damn it! Jeez, ya ungrateful little- hmph! I'm outta here! (disappears)  
  
Lichan: er- Nixa? (disappears)  
  
Duo: Hey! You forgot about us again!  
  
(The authors' two most beloved characters are promptly stomped with a gigantic boot, ending the notes.)  



End file.
